Mama Didn’t Say There’d Be Days Like This…

     Right off the top of my head, if I tried to pinpoint two big huge issues in America right now (I mean, besides Obama being a Muslim Extremist who wasn’t even born in America!! Duh!!) I would have to choose Obesity and High Divorce Rates. So I started thinking: Why?

     At what point was I supposed to learn about how to have a successful relationship? I come from a single parent home, so right off the bat I’m screwed, right? I never got to see how “normal” people acted in relationships. The only thing I (and I’m sure 9 gazillion other people) had to go on was TV shows and movies.  And books. Now, correct me if I’m wrong, but I don’t think those are good references to be learning life lessons from.  They aren’t REAL. They are fake. Made up. Based on real life stuff, yes, of course. But how two people in love should interact with one another? No. What we needed was strong role models. And if you think about it, it’s just getting worse. So as I was saying, back when I was young, I didn’t have two parents at home. Nowadays, some folks only have one parent somewhere PERIOD. (Or FULL STOP for my English friends.)

     All I’m saying is, I like how we’re just supposed to know how to be in a relationship. Everything else was shown to me:  How to use a knife, ride a bike, write a check. But relationships? Good luck with that. No wonder girls are crazy freaks that check texts all the time. And dudes constantly play games. Do we know anything different? What’s right and what’s wrong? And let’s be honest here…there aren’t a lot of dudes learning relationship stuff from classic cinema – like Wuthering Heights. Most men watch Lord of the Rings and Too Fast Too Furious. I’m afraid of what they might be learning from that… except Tokyo drifting. Meanwhile girls are seeing the Rihanna/Chris Brown debacle unfold right in front of their eyes…and then what? Pictures of her swollen face are splashed across the internet, while she and Brown are splashing on jet skis (also photos of this circling the world wide web). What kind of message does that send? Now I know they are no longer together, but look…girls should know right off the bat that Chris Brown is a piece of shit. The fact that is even in question just shows you that we have no fucking idea what is going on.

     I’ll be honest: I’m horrible at being a girlfriend or a wife for that matter. It’s evident by the fact that I’m divorced and still single. Go me! Not.  I’m insecure. I’m passive aggressive. I’m bitchy. I’m manipulative. But I’m also very nice and caring and loving. But I have no idea how to be in a relationship.  There I said it. And why should I? I never saw the Afterschool Special on that one!  And God forbid if you want to buy a “self-help” book – everyone thinks you’re a freak. How the fuck am I supposed to figure this shit out? No one told me what to do!  I want to be in a good, healthy, successful relationship. No idea.

     Even though I’ll probably have no children of my own, I can guarantee you that I will try to steer my niece and nephew in the right direction. I want to talk to them about real life stuff. Probably the stuff that their parents want to just avoid. But avoiding it won’t keep it from happening. So let’s get those kids smart, well-balanced and EDUCATED.

     Speaking of education, why the hell is everyone so fat? Oh yeah, because no one bothers to teach nutrition in schools.  If they did, I wasn’t paying attention to Mr. Baugh in Health Class that day. Let’s start teaching kids about calories, protein, and sugars etc.  And how about taking soda machines out of schools? Why are they there? And candy? Kids don’t need candy at school. If they do, then let their parents pack it in their lunch. Their lunch that is probably a Oscar Mayer Lunchable and has 9000mg of sodium in one serving (if anyone could even spot a serving size nowadays. Hint: it’s not what Cheesecake Factory is serving you!).  See, even parents don’t know about nutrition. And I was late to this party..I didn’t learn about this stuff until last year. And I’ve lost 87 pounds!! So now I’m a little more privy to what the hell is going on with food labels. I think that is something else kids should be learning in school. Not to make them all anorexics, but to help them make smart choices in life. At least when it comes to food, right? Cuz everything else is fucked up.

Like our relationships.

And our government.

And the environment.


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