Ode to Abortion Themed Bumper Stickers

     While I was driving home from work, I noticed the car in front of me had a bumper sticker taped to the inside rear window. Now, right there…that’s pretty fair weather isn’t it? You’re not even committed to this bumper sticker enough to actually adhere it to your vehicle’s bumper? C’mon!!

     Once I was able to read it, I scoffed. The bumper sticker said:

     The choice should be the baby’s.

     Right off the bat I’m confused. Like, what baby? Which baby? Where? Huh? And then it hit me: Oh, of course, the aborted baby. We should’ve let the aborted baby (A.K.A. the fetus) make a decision about its life prior to it even developing a brain to think about this situation intelligently. Seriously? The fetus is supposed to make a decision for the adult whose body its in? That might be the dumbest thing I’ve ever seen, and I’ve seen a Romney|Palin 2012 bumper sticker. That person definitely adhered it to their Jeep Liberty!! They are committed to that. A Mormon and a moron.

     (Wow, I’m completely insulting everyone tonight. Ok then. Sorry folks.)

     Now I’m thinking, “Ok, well, when would, theoretically, a “baby” be ready to actually make THAT choice? At what age? I don’t think a three-year old could make that choice. Am I right?

   So I thought about it. I’m 34 years old. I suspect that I was once a baby/fetus myself.  So now, what would my personal choice be? If I could make one, seriously? If my mother could’ve done to herself whatever it was that Penny got done to her in Dirty Dancing; what would MY choice be?

     Well if that guy driving the Prius with his taped up message in the back window could ask ME what my choice would be, I would tell him: Abort me. Please! Why didn’t you abort me, strange man?? I’m now stuck in this life. It’s like a bad party I was dragged to and can’t leave. I don’t want to talk to any of these people anymore, the food sucks, there’s a line for the bathroom, and they are playing the shuffle on iTunes and it’s filled with Celine Dion and Cher. C’mon, I’m all set with life. It’s just not what I thought it was going to be. So, sure, if I could make a choice, I would’ve chosen the “bad” choice. Even for myself.  No lie. Pinky swear.

     To me, that bumper sticker was as whimsical and science-fictiony as a What Would Dumbledore Do? bumper sticker from the Wizarding World of Harry Potter. We’ll never know. Because that person that was referenced in your bumper sticker doesn’t exist. Dumbledore is fictional. And so is that baby. BUT if you were to ask a baby, one that grew up, just remember that you could meet a JMo…who isn’t so peachy keen on having been born and dragging ass through life. Not everyone is happy to be here. And you know what? It’s okay. I mean, I’m not looking for a way out. I promise I’m not. I’m coping with this bad party. But wow…if I was never conceived…that’s an intriguing thought. And it’s totally okay to have intriguing thoughts every once in a while. To cross the borders in your mind, think outside the box if you will.  We are all different. We all think differently. And remember, if you are going to state your mind, that’s cool. Freedom of speech and all, but please have it make sense (hint: don’t start with “The choice should be the baby’s”) and be respectful.

     Oh my Lord. Can I please share with you the thought I JUST had?  After looking over what I had just written I realized two things:

1) I talk about being respectful but how disrespectful have I been thus far? I’m so sorry to have called you that, but you actually are a Mormon, Mitt. Suck it up.

2) I think that when I said “Yeah sure, abort me” – that makes me sound less Pro-Choice and way more Pro-Abortion. Haha. Holy shit. That’s horrible. No one should be Pro-Abortion, but wow, I kind of sounded it. Now see, I find that hilarious. I hope no one got offended by that.

          Still waiting in line for life’s bathroom (and we all know the party has run out of toliet paper and the seat is all messy and then you get your period and you start searching for tampons and when you open the medicine cabinet everything falls out),


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