Whole-y Foods, Batman!

I have to admit that while I have been inside a Whole Foods Market briefly in the past, I had yet to actually walk around and soak it all in.  I did that today and wow…I couldn’t stop smiling. I love exploring something new and this was all new to me.

There are some cons and I will get them out of the way right now:

  • Pricey. That shit is pricey, yo. $2.99/lb for grapes. No thanks! But that wasn’t all. Mostly everything was expensive. But I guess that’s what I should expect for a well-lit, clean, pretty store. Wait, that’s a pro. Oops.
  • Stuff I’ll never buy. Look, I’ll never buy Tom’s Toothpaste. I just won’t. Most of the store really impressed me but then I sometimes wandered into something out of Northampton, MA and I was like “eek. help!”  But that wasn’t very often. 

Ok, so the pros. Yeah, clean, well-lit, neat, fun little signs to read. I was digging it. I got to try a Blood Orange…because they had this free-standing bowl thing with cut up Blood Oranges inside. It was hard for me to try it because I was smiling so much.  Did I mention the cool tunes they were playing? Do you know that song “Downtown”? I love that song. Reminds me of the days I was working at Filene’s|Kaufmann’s and we refered to the Pittsburgh store (#199) as “Downtown.” So whenever anyone said it, that song would pop into my head. Not to mention our offices were in Downtown Boston. See a theme? So yeah, was digging that song.  What else? Oh yeah…a lot of cool alcohol like beers and wines I’ve never seen.  And then I stumbled upon a wine chiller…a free one. So let’s say you are buying a bottle of white wine but it’s warm and you need it chilled. Well there is this big pool of water and you stick it in there for the time that’s posted depending on how cold you want it. At any other store I would be afraid a hobo urinated in that water, but at Whole Foods, it looked pleasant enough to swim in. Except a human body couldn’t fit in it. (At first my typo was “human boy” and I thought that sounded funny…albeit it creepy.)

Then the cheese section…just looked delectable. I’m a fan of cheese don’t get me wrong but I never thought of just pursuing a cheese section and picking out some cheeses. I still didn’t, no time on my lunch break, but it smelled great and I want to go back to buy some exotic cheeses with crackers! And maybe I can chill my wine while I shop! Word!!

I literally could not stop smiling as I walked around the store. It was all so new to me. I really enjoyed it.  I especially enjoyed the bulk section where you can buy rice, beans, nuts and oats…all different kinds. I bought walnut halves. Shoveled them into a small paper bag and then I had to write the number down on it so the checkout guy (who looked like a thinner version of Seal, without the marks on his face – so wait, did he really look like Seal. No – that guy who married Kimora Lee Simmons. What’s his name? He looked like him.) could ring it up correctly. Look at me marking my own groceries. I feel like a grown up.

And then the peanut butter!! Oh my Lord – I could squirt out my own peanut butter if I wanted. Or almond butter. I shouldn’t be eating peanut butter, but I may have to go back to try the chocolate peanut butter. Oh you read that right!

And bath bombs – they have bath bombs (in the Northampton section). They aren’t Lush bath bombs, but I’m sure they are just as nice.  (Speaking of Lush, I just had a Lush bath bomb bath 15 minutes ago. There were petals and it was pink. I was in Barbie heaven!)

By the time I got to check out I was all excited to buy my own Whole Foods reusable bag. But not a big one (I have plenty of Disney reusable bags.). I got a small one with two tomatoes on it. Can you think of what they are saying?

As I was skipping out I saw the huge chalk board calendar and I noticed that I missed “Store Tour” last week. ‘ I WANT A STORE TOUR!’ I almost shouted, but figured my ghettoness would scare the uber-libs. So I muffled it. I also missed a wine tasting. Blah!! Nothing else of interest was coming up but I’ll be sure to go back at the beginning of March to check out what’s happening at Whole Foods.

Having trouble with Umlauts,


P.S. I once went into a Trader Joe’s and was like “Get me the F outta here.” I think that’s why I was apprehensive to try a Whole Foods. Shame on me.

4 thoughts on “Whole-y Foods, Batman!

  1. I hated Trader Joe’s because I like Brand Name Products. Everyone there was wearing wool socks and Birkenstocks and packing their groceries up in burlap sacks. NOT my thing. At all.

  2. I read, “I could squirt out my own peanut butter” and I spit coffee out of my nose, and I wasn’t even drinking coffee…..

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