What Do Tori Spelling, Toucan Sam and Blossom All Have In Common?

There are two songs in heavy rotation on the radio right now which are really big on “rah-rah love yourself, you’re awesome” messages:  Gaga’s “Born This Way” and Katy Perry’s “Firework.”

Besides the fact that I didn’t know you could have a singular firework, I like both songs.  I’m a big fan of empowering oneself and all that jazz.  But wow, it’s all just a big bunch of bullshit.

(Apparently I’m a big fan of the word “big” today as well. I need a thesaurus.)

I was flipping by a True Life episode on MTV and this young woman has alopecia. That’s where you lose all the hair on your body. Every single last hair.  She said she could not recognize herself when she looked in the mirror. She would put on a wig and paint on her eyebrows, and put on false eyelashes before she went out. Because if she ever went outside without all of that….people would point and stare and comment.

Okay look…we live in a world where we have tv’s and movies and the internet and books and magazines. Is there anything REALLY that would shock us anymore? It’s not like America is a small tribe on a remote island with no social interaction at all, and then all of a sudden we saw someone with no hair at all! GASP!! No, on a daily basis I see people with tattooed faces and pierced EVERYTHING.  So if I see someone with a medical condition like alopecia, or albinism, or they are in a wheelchair, or they are missing an arm…I mean, really? It doesn’t even make me look twice. Okay, I’ll admit…I will look twice at an albino. But it’s not like I’m staring uncontrollably. I’m just curious that’s all. But I don’t think there is anything wrong and I wouldn’t snicker or make jokes. Ok, maybe one Powder joke. I’m horrible. But otherwise…I’m cool with everyone. Because you know what, I certainly do not want anyone pointing and laughing at me, and I have all my hair. So why can’t we, as a society, just all agree to be cool with everyone? Whether they are disabled, different, challenged, weird, slightly off, tall, short, big, small…I dunno. Everything needs to be a freak show nowadays.  Why???!!!  Just let the folks leave their homes and do normal shit we all do like go to Wal-Mart and eat Taco Bell.  They aren’t freaks. We are if we stare at them and make them feel bad.

And it wouldn’t be a JMo blog if I didn’t talk about myself, right? Well fear not JMonsters (Look, I’m working on your name. Relax.) , I’ve got a small story to tell.

I’m sure everyone has something(s) they don’t like about themself.  For me, it’s my nose.  I call it my Ted Kennedy nose. Not as red, but just as bulbous.  Now when I say this to friends and family members they assure me that I’m crazy and it’s not big. Look, I know my nose is big. I’m not blind. I own a mirror!! But okay fine.

When I was younger, late teens, early twenties, the celebrities I got most likened to were Tori Spelling and Blossom. Gee, I wonder what those people have in common. 

When I was a freshman in college, my roommate had sticky fingers.  So one time when she wasn’t in the room, I went searching through her desk for something of mine.  I never found it, but instead I found a picture her artist brother drew of me.  It was me, and I had a Toucan Sam nose.  I put it back and never spoke of it. To anyone. Until now.

So, when people who love and care for me tell me that I’m beautiful and that I’m crazy for thinking I have a big nose when they swear I don’t….Well, I don’t really believe them. And I hate them for lying to me. Because in secret, that drawing of me existed with a big huge nose. A caricature of myself that has been seared on to my brain.  And it is the truth!!!!  He didn’t know I had that insecurity. So who am I supposed to believe? The people who want to protect me, or the people who are just being honest.   As much as I love those songs and the lyrics that tell me I’m “original, cannot be replaced” and “God makes no mistakes.” Yeah well….His only mistake is that he made people who are mean spirited and judgemental.  I would love not to have a Ted Kennedy nose. But I was born with it. Born this way. Thanks a lot.


3 thoughts on “What Do Tori Spelling, Toucan Sam and Blossom All Have In Common?

  1. Hmmm, I never thought you and I looked alike, but I was compared to Tucan Sam, Tori Spelling, Blossom AND…Paul from the wonder years. All because of the friggin nose. I could have written that part of your blog- I also had a picture drawn of me (well of a Tucan with a big ass with my name on it.) Sorry to hijack, but I feel you- my family always said “your nose fits your face.” Pissed me off when they said that, what does that mean? My father offered to pay for a nose job when I turned 18, but I said “f#ck it!” Rah Rah Me!


  2. What? He could’ve paid for mine!!!

    Hmm, never got Paul. But I bet you got that because you had a similar complexion. I’m a pasty irish chick.

    I feel your pain sister.


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