Rated Cheez for Everyone!

This blog post is rated E for everyone.

It has been brought to my attention recently that my blog posts maybe be a little too intense for some readers (mostly anyone over 40).  After being told that my blog sometimes “scares”, I wanted to show that JMo cares! So today is a rape whistle and schlong free zone!  Hurrah!!! (Speaking of Rape Whistles, thank you to DM who personally emailed me and told me that he is STILL laughing about that post. At least someone got it!)

Now on to the G rated yumminess.

Because I’m a sucker for anything new at the supermarket, I saw this cute, little Cheez-It box and had to have it.



Three, three, three times the fun?? What is Cheez-It up to I wondered! Well guess what, they are running a contest: Choose the Cheese! And it’s all up to me!! (Yes sir!!! It says so right on the box!!)

“The future of the new cheese is in your hands!”  O. M. G.

Alrighty. I am taking this very (muy, sehr, oui oui) serious. It is my job to taste all three baked snack crackers and decide which one should be the next Cheez-It. The pressure is building!!

But JMo, you ask, once you decide, THEN what??

Luckily, Cheez-It laid (hee. Sorry! Did saying “laid” scare anyone?)  it all out for me:

Step 1: Try the 3 enclosed samples (will do!)

Step 2: Choose the one you think should be the next Cheez-It cracker (easy enough!)

Step 3: Log on to FACEBOOK.COM/CHEEZIT and vote like crazy (“Like crazy?” Alrighty then! I will vote like Charlie Sheen with a suitcase full of coke on Easter.)

The flavors are as followed:

  1. Awesome Asiago
  2. Cool Colby
  3. Radical Romano

Right off the bat I feel like I’m going to enjoy Colby the best. I’m not a fan of Asiago cheese overall, but who knows how it will translate into a bite size cracker.  And Romano…while I enjoy the Romano over the Parmesan cheese anyday of the week, I wonder if it won’t have the necessary zing I look for in my cheese cracker. Let the taste test begin:

(This is live, folks. I am going to try each cracker and give you  my honest opinion before I vote.)

Cracker #1:  Asiago

Smell from bag: Stomach turning

Color of cracker: Light bile yellow

Taste of cracker:  At first, overwhelming tart taste.  Then, taste is reminiscent of regular Cheez-It, so it is tasty, but not like “holy shit I have to go vote for this cracker right now!” tasty. Let me sip some water, pick the cracker out of my teeth and move on to the next one…

Cracker #2:  Colby

Smell from bag: Dull, unidentifiable cheese smell

Color of cracker: Lighter orange than original Cheez-It

Taste of cracker:  Disappointing.  Again, taste is reminiscent of classic Cheez-It but clearly whatever the taste is, it’s from the coating of dust on the cracker. Once that comes off, it’s just…cracker.  Hmm. Bummer.

Cracker #3:  Romano

Smell from bag: Grotesque

Color of cracker: Quite pale

Taste of cracker:  Romano-y for sure.  They did a good job of capturing that flavor. However while I like to sprinkle romano onto my pasta, I certainly don’t want to cut off a huge chunk of it and nibble on all it’s dry crumbly cheesiness. And in all honsety, it is the only bag that I will throw out and not snack on throughout the day. Me no like! Not winning!!

So it’s down to Favored Colby and the Underdog Asiago….which one will JMo choose?

Well after tasting the two again, I got that distinct Asiago taste that I didn’t get the first time around…and UGH. Gross. So my vote goes to: Cool Colby!! I will now log on to Facebook and do my crazy voting!

Thank you all for taking the time to read my in-depth analysis of the new Cheez-It contest. And in case you were wondering Cheez-It recently released a new flavor without asking any of us what we the hell we thought of it: Baby Swiss! On Shelves Now!! (That’s what the ad inside the box says. Just passing it along.)

Say Cheez,


P.S. Don’t tell Cheez-It, but I think I’ll stick with Tid-Bits!!

One thought on “Rated Cheez for Everyone!

  1. Well this was truly Schlong free, altough you did manage to sneak in threesome (and oui oui naturally switched my mind to the limited french i know – menage a trois) and laid.

    But i’m more interested in the dirty scary blogs that i have missed!! I will have to go back and review…….

    Love the brown hair!


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