A couple of days ago, I was going through the drive-thru at Dunkin’ Donuts (shocking I know!). I got a large iced tea and a muffin.
The total was $4.02.
I gave the Uncle-Kracker-Look-a-Like a five dollar bill and two pennies.
And back to me he handed 98 cents.
Now, I need to pause here because I also work (part-time for all of y’all that don’t read my blog regularly. SIGH!) at a job that requires me to take money from people, and then provide them with correct change. Because my math skills are not the best ever, I get to use something called a cash register. AND I know Dunkin’ Donuts have them, because, oh yeah, I’ve fucking seen them there. In fact, they have been in every single DD I’ve ever been in. Ever. Always.
Ok, so I’m SUPER confused at this point as he’s trying to hand me a fistful of dirty change. I see every single coin we have in US Currency comin’ my way…and I’m like “Whoa whoa whoa! Slow down, bro. The total was $4.02 right?” (I didn’t really say “bro.” I wish I could pull that off though. Some day!)
“And I gave you $5.02 right?”
“So…?” Here I am thinking he’d catch on.
“That’s why the change is 98 cents.”
My eyes widened and I pondered slamming my head on my steering wheel.
Now I gotta use my stern (extremely bitchy and I’m way better than you) voice. I hate when I have to do that.
“Dude, I gave you $5.02 so I could get a dollar back.”
“Oh, right!” And then proceeds to add the TWO cents I gave him to the pile of friggin’ money he’s still trying to hand off to me. Dude, fuck off with that shit right now.
“I gave you $5.02 so I COULD GET AN ACTUAL PAPER DOLLAR BACK AND NOT ALL THAT CHANGE!!!!!!!!”
Thank the Lord in Heaven that there were two other DD employees milling about and HELPED him with the Good Will Hunting-sized math problem I presented him with that fine afternoon. All that was missing was a chalk board and a janitor.
So now I have to tell my “Duh!” moment just to even out the story. Look, I totally think that guy is DUMB, and I’m going out on a limb to say that his huge diamond earrings weren’t real. But we all have our moments. Mine of course don’t involve my job or actual important things that matter.
I bought a Reese’s Peanut Butter Egg. I never usually eat Peanut Butter Cups, but for some reason those egg shaped candies filled with peanut butter make me feel good. Maybe I associate good memories with ’em way down in my subconscious, who knows? I also could not find ANY bags (small or large) of Cadbury Mini Eggs. Which are honestly like crack cocaine to me. So Reese’s it is.
As I’m checking out at the market with my other few items, I notice on the screen this little gem:
And my brain (I can’t believe I’m embarrassingly admitting this) read it as:
Here’s the conversation in my head: P BEGG. P BEGG? What does that even mean? I get the egg part. Reese’s. Nope, doesn’t begin with a P. Hmm. OH PB EGG. PEANUT BUTTER EGG. DUH. *giggle*
I may not be a blonde anymore, but I definitely have my blonde moments. So bet it, Jedi.
Email me if you find some Mini Eggs, would ya??