Do You Need Help Placing That Moose Carcass in the Overhead Compartment?

“Excuse me? What’s that you say? That’s your carry on luggage? Wow, I’m pretty sure the piece of luggage I actually checked was smaller than that.”

I have many problems with carry on luggage. The first of which is this: EVERYONE wants to bring some sort of carry on luggage on board. And I’m not talking about their personal item, such as a purse or even a backpack. I’m talking their piece of luggage that is a legit carry on (I’ll get to the non-legits soon).  It takes SO LONG to board because everyone is stopping and finding a place for their bag. Imagine a world where you weren’t allowed to bring on carry on luggage. And everyone just shuffled to their seats and sat the fuck down already???!!! Oh my Lord. That surely would be Heaven. I’m pretty sure every flight I’ve taken takes off late because no one can get in their frigging seats. They are too busy shoving that dead moose in the overhead bin. Don’t know what I’m talking about?

Last time I checked they had these handy carry on luggage mesaurer thingies at the airport. Clearly no one actually uses them. Because the “carry on luggage” is getting bigger and bigger. An actual legit carry on, should fit WHEELS FRIGGIN’ FIRST, handle out with no problem. Ever see the folks shoving up their luggage and checking if the bin closes? And then it doesn’t? Yeah. Then those people SHOVE the luggage sideways which actually takes up more room which isn’t the point at all. To me, that should be checked. Immediately. But no…the stewardesses (oh yeah, I went there) just don’t care. And I don’t blame them. Fuck it. If no one at the gate is going to care, then why should they? Someone pop open the slide and some beers – this job sucks!

Dust me!

Speaking of the gate, a couple of weeks ago I was flying out of Fort Lauderdale airport and the woman in front of me had 3 carry ons. THREE!!!! A purse (personal item), a piece of rolly luggage (carry on) and a duffel. Don’t believe me? Here’s the proof:

Black duffel, on top of a carry on with wheels and some ugly ass yellow purse. Last time I checked, that's THREE carry ons

And yes, I was flying JetBlue. Dear JetBlue: What the hell? Totes no fair. xojmo

I actually visited the JetBlue page for the dimensions of carry on bags and you know what? I don’t even care enough to rewrite them here. I’m almost positive that most bags that are brought on are WAY too big to fit in the metal measurey thing, yet no one even uses that anymore. CHECK THOSE BAGS! CHECK THOSE BAGS!! CHECK THOSE BAGS!!!

Before I go, here is the biggest piece of useless information ever, but a fun trivia tidbit just the same:

STEWARDESSES is the longest word you can type on the typewriter with  just your left hand.

You’re welcome,


2 thoughts on “Do You Need Help Placing That Moose Carcass in the Overhead Compartment?

  1. I have to say that I don’t blame the passengers. Not being a lucrative industry, the airline industry has harangued people with so many fees that this is just the ugly consequence. I still can’t believe that a very basic part of transport service — being allowed to travel with one bag — is now a cost that keeps rising. It’s so insidious. I never check my bag anymore, unless what I’m bringing costs considerably less than shipping it UPS, USPS, or FedEx and it’s only a one way cost. But to your point about luggage, on my way back from NY to Chi I was certain this one guy would be forced to check his bag. it was a duffle bag and it looked big. But he got it in. He then turned to the flight attendant and was like the key is not to buy hard case luggages. You want something you can squish. Squish is what he did to get that baggage to fit!

  2. I’m certainly not saying that everyone should be forced to check bags they will have to pay for. But to me…whether its above or below….the weight is on the plane so why charge at all?? Have a limit, but don’t charge. That’s why I usually like JetBlue…first bag flies free. It’s actually the sole reason I flew JetBlue to LA instead of Virgin America. I was dying to fly VA but they charged for checked bags. No thanks!

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