Why Isn’t There a “Men of DCL” Calendar?!

First off, can someone please tell me – Which is better: Tags or Categories? I’m still getting a hang of this blog a year later!! Happy Anniversary XOJMO sort of late!

DCL is the Disney Cruise Line for those of you who don’t know, but now you know! Sucka! And besides there being a lot of gay men on the cruise (working that is), there certainly were a lot of workers from Not America. The NotAmericans were pretty good-looking, with the best coming from the Ukraine and from The Netherlands.

Let’s start with Vladimir. Look, everyone had very stereotypical names and accents. And Vlad was no exception. (You should’ve heard/seen the Jamaican workers. Ya mon! Oy vey!) Hailing from the Ukraine, Vladimir waited on us for lunch in the glorious Royal Palace. Now that I think about it, the Royal Palace put me in a very romantic mood, because that’s where I also met the other hottie with the dimples. We’ll get to him later!

Vladimir’s accent was thick but his head was thicker. Dear Disney, if you are going to have someone waiting on me, could you introduce them to the menu? I ordered the Veggie Quesedilla’s without guacamole and he had no idea what the word “guacamole” even was, nevermind that’s gross! Ok ok, I admit, I am the only one who doesn’t like guac. Fine. but still. He should know what it is…it’s written right there in English on the menu….oh. That could be the problem. Apparently knowing English is not a prerequisite for a job on the Dream.

Oh yes, did I mention I was on the Dream? Well I was. So technically I do not know if the Magic and the Wonder have hot men too. So we may have to change this to:

WHY ISN’T THERE A HOT MEN OF THE DISNEY DREAM CALENDAR?

Once we got past the guacbacle (that’s a play on “debacle”. Get it?? Oh shut it!), it was all good. Vlad was hot. And his eyes were…no idea what color. All I saw was the bloodshot eyes. Damn Vlad. Drink much lately? Hung over much? Of course all I can think of is the party that Rose ends up at with the po’ folk on the Titanic. Wasn’t there a lot of knee and boot slapping? Well that’s what I think Vlad was doing all night.

Since I cannot forget about my gay readers, there was Jamezy. Yes, you read that right. Jamezy. He greeted us when we got on the ship. And let me tell you, boy loves makeup! The whole trip I was wondering if he had bad acne and Disney was making him cover it up like Katy Perry in those Pro-Activ commercials. But no. I didn’t see one speck of a pot mark. Jamezy was cute and very English. Huge smile. I would put him in my Calendar under April. He could be a cute Easter Bunny showing off his cotton tail. If you know what I mean.  (Do you, cuz I’m not even sure I do.)

Then my two personal Joran Van Der Sloots. Oh yes, I’m going there. Two men hailing from The Netherlands stole my Netherregions. Oh wait, that sounded dirty. I wish they did. But they stole my hearts. That’s better.

Time out: I do understand that Joran is a serial killer. And I am in no way saying these men killed anybody. What I am saying is that if I were vacationing in Aruba and these boys wanted to take me to a secluded beach, make out and then dump my lifeless body in the ocean…well sign me up! Hotties!!!

Ronald. He was blonde and tall. His eyes were a tad bugged out, but I got used to it. Great accent and spoke five languages. With English being one of them. Score!! Except German wasn’t one of them. So I could not wow him with my extensive knowledge of a language that sounds similar to Dutch but sounds way less weird. Seriously, think German sounds weird? Get a load of Dutch and the spelling of their words? Whaaaaat? Is that a joke? It’s like if you took words out of the IKEA catalog and then added more i’s, j’s and a’s. Aajjivaarkji. 

Speaking of crazy ass words: aanbiddenswaardig!! That’s a REAL word and it means Adorable!! And that is what I called Durk. Right to his face. And he had no idea what “adorable” meant. Awww, isn’t that cute? The next day he told me that he went on to Google Translate to find out what Adorable meant. And then he hugged me. Oh yeah he did!! So cute. Shorter than Ronald (what’s up with these names? Can someone send The Netherlands a Baby Name Book from Earth circa 2007), and with dark hair….Durk was sporting some spiky bed head and dimples!! I couldn’t stop looking at him. My server, Kendall, and I were joking about stuff. And I said, “what? Do the guys from The Netherlands just stand around and look cute? Like Durk over there.”  And then the next thing you know, Kendall is calling Durk over and I’m beet red. (Or is it “beat red”? Have you ever really thought about it? I mean, beets are red right? But maybe the term is “beat red.” Oh jeez. Conundrum.)  So even though Durk had no idea what “adorable” meant, I mean, in fairness I could’ve been calling him a fairy or something, he whips out his little waiter book and writes down his adorable .nl email address and hands it over to me. Awww. Love him. Hey look, if these guys want American citizenship, all they need to do is call. I mean, I will make them work for it, but they will get it. Oh yes, and I will give it to them.

Um hello, you pervs. I mean American Citizenship. I will give it to them by marrying them or dumping out some anchor baby. Jeez.

Tot de volgende keer,

xojjmo

PS. Want to read more about hot men that work for Disney? Then check this out: http://wp.me/p1123D-76

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