Kim + Kris = Kaput

I won’t lie: I watched the Kardashian wedding event on E! Both of them! First was Khloe’s to Lamar. And then at the beginning of October E! showed a two night special event wedding of Kim Kardashian to Kris “no one ever heard of me and I even played for krappy Nets” Humphries. I tuned in. And I wondered, “Why are these two even getting married?” It seemed like NO ONE in her family liked him in the slightest. He did sort of rub people the wrong way.  And let’s face it: The dude looks like Frankenstein. And that’s why I think she decided to divorce him. She finally found out what everyone was saying behind her back: That dude is fugly.

And Kim Kardashian cannot marry an ugly dude. But why didn’t her friends, like La La “I used to be an MTV VJ but then I married that dude from Syracuse University and now I’m too cool to VJ” Anthony, tell her “Kim, that dude is ugly and you cannot downgrade from Reggie Bush like that. Or that hot Australian guy you were fake hooking up with on your reality show.”

Anyone who watched the wedding special will tell you that they saw the divorce coming a mile away too.  When Kris came to visit and brought his two little dogs….holy shit. I thought Kim’s veins were going to pop out of her neck. Kris had the audacity to let his dogs sleep on his bed. Meanwhile, my holier than thou…sleeps with like silk sheets woven by real Egyptians or something. She cannot have DOGS on her bed. Ew ew ew!! The next day she went out and bought them crates! haha. And Kris was like, “I’m not crating my dogs.”

Yeah well, whatever Kim says goes pal. And your dogs are not sleeping in her friggin’ bed. This leads me to my conundrum:

Why would any man want to get into a seriously relationship with Kim Kardashian? I totally get banging her in a one night stand. That chick is pretty. But every day….day in and day out….in a serious relationship? No way!! She has to get her hair and makeup done by professionals every day. Not to mention a camera crew follows her around. Oh and the paparazzi. So forget a quiet day antique-ing or a quick trip to Starbucks. Everything is a big fucking chicken dinner with this chick. Even having two little dogs around is a big fucking deal. Oh Jesus, Kim. Shut the fuck up. Be a real person for once. Dudes, if you have a cool chick who doesn’t freak out when your dog slobbers on her and humps her leg while you guys are trying to watch football on Sunday…go give her a kiss right now. Give her two if her hair is in a ponytail and her makeup wasn’t done by a professional this morning. Seriously. Think about it guys. Kim and Kris couldn’t even go get a small breakfast while she was visiting him in his home state (which by the way Kim would NEVER move to) of Minnesota. You would think they were raping the corpse of Michael Jackson in there the way the paparazzi were smooshed up against the windows trying to get a picture. Relax guys. It’s fucking pancakes. Go get a real job.

Was it all a sham? I don’t know. Probably. Star Magazine showed the top tier of the cake in the trash barrel after it was all over. This was in the magazine only a week after it happened in August. And I found that strange. Kim was so big on tradition and all…and yet there lay the top of her cake. Hmm. Even then I wondered. But I couldn’t bring myself to believe that they would get married as a business deal. To make the money and run. I should’ve known something was up when they took the shortest honeymoon on the planet to Europe. They were there for like three days. Shouldn’t a Kardashian have her honeymoon on the actually moon or something ridiculous like that? I guess it would be too expensive to fly her hair and make up folk all the way up there for three days.

Whether it was real or fake, the truth is this was Kim’s second marriage.  Two divorces.  And yet everyday American’s keep voting NO on letting the gays get married. Oh Jeeeeeeeez. Ever meet any gay guys? They are fabulous. And deserve happiness that same way Kim does or even more for that matter. And I’m pretty sure they wouldn’t smear the good name of holy matrimony any more than Kim already has and will again one day. 72 days? Guess what? There have been homosexual couples who have been together for years. GASP! Even decades!!! God love them. Even without the proverbial ball and chain and the ring and the piece of paper announcing them man and man….(or wife and wife) they stay together. Because they LOVE and CHERISH one another. Something that Kim and Kris and their ridiculous 2 million dollar engagement ring couldn’t even do for three months.

Again, I won’t lie…I watched all those Kardashian shows. But I am honestly telling you I’m done. I can’t stand watching them anymore knowing that they took millions of dollars to get married, but are now getting divorced. And Kim wonders why we think it was a sham. Stop putting every part of your life on TV. Even the engagement wasn’t private. I think the only reason she is visiting Kris today in MN is because she is trying to save face.  Because she knows that her “fans” have pretty much had enough of her bullshit. Don’t make us care, and then bullshit us to our faces. Blah. All set.

Kim – Kris = Kaching!

xojmo

One thought on “Kim + Kris = Kaput

  1. I don’t follow this bunch at all. I don’t have a TV at home. Gave it away this summer b/c it was taking up way too much space and I was only getting like 3 channels none of which provided any true entertainment. So I’m getting my entertainment from you. Thank you!!! I do follow an online mag called GOOD and was surprised that they even acknowledged her. Anyway, made me think of what you wrote http://www.good.is/post/marriage-isn-t-sacred

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