My niece is nine years old. My nephew – seven. Perfect ages to get introduced to one of the most entertaining Christmas movies of all time – A Christmas Story.
You know what I’m talking about. “You’ll shoot your eye out!” Tongue stuck to the frozen pole. The leg lamp!! C’mon. Classic. And now, I was going to watch it with them…for their first time.
Well let me tell you…What a disaster!! They found almost every character “mean.” Every two seconds, “That’s mean.”
The dad was mean. The bully was mean. The little kid in the big snow suit rolling around on the ground…that was mean. And at one point, when one of the dog’s ears gets stuck in the door…my niece blurts out: “That’s mean. That’s animal cruelty.”
Oh and Santa was mean. The elves were mean.
Holy shitballs. And all I wanted to say was: “YES. EVERYONE IS FUCKING MEAN. THAT’S HOW IT WAS.”
Nowadays the kids get applauded for everything. They get a trophy even if they lost. They don’t take score in little league games. Anything they do and say is oooh’d and ahhh’d over for days. Hell, I’m guilty of it too. They can draw the ugliest stick figure picture and I’m like “Wow, that is the greatest picture I’ve ever seen.”
Maybe if I had HALF of the accolades these kids get nowadays, I wouldn’t hate every single second of every breath I take. I have no self-esteem. I’m super hard on myself. And jeez,I’ll be honest…I’m actually very smart, I’m not a drug addict, I’m well read and pretty neato overall. But I’m still disgusted with myself. These kids will grow up to be superstars. Lucky them.
And yes, the dad was mean. Most dads were back then. They worked and didn’t want to hear your shit. Well I’m guessing all of that cuz some of us didn’t have a dad. Whatevs.
*quietly sobbing in the corner*
Teachers were mean. Dont you tell me you don’t have a nasty memory of some nasty teacher. Mine….Sister Marie and Ms. Prince. Mean mean mean!
And Santas were mean. I mean, half of my childhood photos with Santa at the Plaza looked he might be on a Prison Release Program. “Yeah, what do you want kid? Hurry up. I have a bottle of Mad Dog with my name on it in the sleigh.”
Ralphie hitting the bully was mean. The way little Randy was forced to eat food…like a little piggy…that was mean.
Seriously?? Remind me never to watch anything with them again. I will never be able to watch Ralphie and his BB Gun saga again the same way. Ruined, I tell ya. Just plain ruined.
Merry Christmas everybody!