So it’s Saturday night around 6:30 and I decided to go to the Supermarket. Why the heck not? It’s not like I had plans or anything. *sigh*
I start off my shopping excursion with one of those tiny shopping carts. Nothing says “I’m a huge lonely loser” quite like shopping on a Saturday evening (let’s go with that. It makes me feel better than saying “night”) with your reusable bags (one Jack Skellington and the other Kermit the Frog) and pushing around one of those tiny shopping carts.
Ok, so I’m scanning and bagging my groceries as I go and I’m all ready to check out. I spied the NEW issue of Us Weekly with a pregnant Snooki on the cover. The headline: “OMG. I’m Pregnant.” Somewhere a dead reporter rolled over in this grave. It’s come to this: a magazine with “OMG” on the cover. Kill me now.
BUT totally didn’t stop me from shelling out a whopping $4.49 (before tax) on this magazine. NOPE, not proud at all. BUT I’ve watched every single episode of Jersey Shore and I’m kinda happy for her and her orange Munchkin of a boyfriend, Jionni.
(For the record: I completely think that Snooki did hook up with The Situation while The Unit and Ryder were hooking up. OMG, my dead corpse from the future just rolled over in her grave for me just writing that sentence.)
As I’m heading to the self checkout (God forbid I let an actual cashier see my pathetic grocery list) a guy is pushing up his regular sized shopping cart with nothing in it, but one steak.
He parks the carriage/cart (you know, depending on what part of the country you live in. Dear Foreign Readers: No idea what you call these things in Europe or Asia. Probably “dollies” or “shoppers”) right in front of the aforementioned magazines and takes his ONE steak to the self check out.
The shopping cart is literally 5 feet from all the other carriages. I was thisclose to saying “Dude? Seriously? You can’t bring that friggin’ cart back over to where they belong?”
But I bit my tongue. I was just flabbergasted that he didn’t feel like putting it back where it belongs. He was SO close. I mean, he should’ve just left it in the frozen food aisle. Oh wait, he didn’t even make it that far. … Leave it in the meat section, I meant.
Whatever. After I was all checked out (And yes I deduct five cents per reusable bag) I neatly returned my Pathetic Loser Cart to the rightful place and carried my two bags out to the car. Drove my ass home and read all about how Snooki is OMG pregnant.
When asked how many diapers a baby goes through in a week, she said 80. He said 12. Feel free to look up the real answer. Safe to say…he wasn’t even close. God help us!