Dude, Are You THAT Lazy?

So it’s Saturday night around 6:30 and I decided to go to the Supermarket. Why the heck not? It’s not like I had plans or anything. *sigh*

I start off my shopping excursion with one of those tiny shopping carts. Nothing says “I’m a huge lonely loser” quite like shopping on a Saturday evening (let’s go with that. It makes me feel better than saying “night”) with your reusable  bags (one Jack Skellington and the other Kermit the Frog) and pushing around one of those tiny shopping carts.


I don't need a bigger cart, you see, because I live all alone. Can you tell me where I can find the Cheesy Poofs?

Ok, so I’m scanning and bagging my groceries as I go and I’m all ready to check out. I spied the NEW issue of Us Weekly with a pregnant Snooki on the cover. The headline: “OMG. I’m Pregnant.”  Somewhere a dead reporter rolled over in this grave. It’s come to this: a magazine with “OMG” on the cover. Kill me now.

BUT totally didn’t stop me from shelling out a whopping $4.49 (before tax) on this magazine. NOPE, not proud at all. BUT I’ve watched every single episode of Jersey Shore and I’m kinda happy for her and her orange Munchkin of a boyfriend, Jionni.

(For the record: I completely think that Snooki did hook up with The Situation while The Unit and Ryder were hooking up. OMG, my dead corpse from the future just rolled over in her grave for me just writing that sentence.)

As I’m heading to the self checkout (God forbid I let an actual cashier see my pathetic grocery list) a guy is pushing up his regular sized shopping cart with nothing in it, but one steak.

He parks the carriage/cart (you know, depending on what part of the country you live in. Dear Foreign Readers: No idea what you call these things in Europe or Asia. Probably “dollies” or “shoppers”) right in front of the aforementioned magazines and takes his ONE steak to the self check out.

The shopping cart is literally 5 feet from all the other carriages. I was thisclose to saying “Dude? Seriously? You can’t bring that friggin’ cart back over to where they belong?”

But I bit my tongue. I was just flabbergasted that he didn’t feel like putting it back where it belongs. He was SO close. I mean, he should’ve just left it in the frozen food aisle. Oh wait, he didn’t even make it that far. … Leave it in the meat section, I meant.

Whatever. After I was all checked out (And yes I deduct five cents per reusable bag) I neatly returned my Pathetic Loser Cart to the rightful place and carried my two bags out to the car. Drove my ass home and read all about how Snooki is OMG pregnant.

When asked how many diapers a baby goes through in a week, she said 80. He said 12.  Feel free to look up the real answer. Safe to say…he wasn’t even close. God help us!

Fist pump!



7 thoughts on “Dude, Are You THAT Lazy?

  1. LMFAO! I believe the armageddon is nigh…the snooks is preggers, and Jionni is going to spray tan the baybay…giant fist pump. It AMAZES me the amount of lazy a-holes that are amongst us. I always take my cart back. It’s just courtesy, but I guess everyone else thinks it’s their gosh darn given right to park it wherever the heck they want to. Don’t even get me started on when they drag their snot-nosed, screaming kids to the grocery with them. UGH! LOL


  2. Okay…dont bite my head off…I dont return grocery carts. I feel it is job security for the workers to put them back. I leave them safely somewhere….on the same note I dont use self check out to help secure jobs. I like seeing a man or woman with Downs Syndrome packing bags or collecting carts. They are more functional use of society then Snooki…who I do enjoy–


  3. I won’t bite your head off. I’m not saying that I ALWAYS return my carts. Especially in the parking lot. But the guy left the cart like five feet from where they belong. I mean, c’mon!!


  4. haha. I know a lot of people who have snot nosed kids so I have to be careful. But yeah, I’ve already written about screeching children at the grocery store. Ugh. No thanks.


  5. I do. I also have another Muppets one. And many misc. Disney ones. And plain old Stop and Shop (Local Supermarket) too. I keep hoping that some random single guy will say “Oh hey, Nightmare Before Christmas. So cool. Let’s date.” haha.


  6. Hey, you never know! Or you could have your Muppets Swedish Chef one and a guy could ask you out in his weird Swedish accent. (I know Stop and Shop. I may live in Florida, but I’m from Massachusetts)


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