I worked late tonight and then I decided to stop at Walmart on the way home. Yes, yours truly went into a Walmart. I have nothing against Walmart, well except, yeah I do. But that is neither here nor there. They sell cheap stuff, and I needed some cheap stuff. Walmarts do make me feel dirty thought. And not in a good way.
Nothing makes you feel more like a 99%-er than shopping at Walmart. That’s for sure. Especially when you see this:
NOTHING makes me sadder than generic cereal. CocoRoos and Honey Buzzers? Can’t you just save up for CocoPuffs and Honey Combs?
So as I was driving home, feeling smug about my ability to afford Cookie Crisp to just flush down my ceramic toilet…when I was came upon a vehicle I have never seen.
Just when you thought that nothing says “I’m the biggest douche in the world” quite like driving a Hummer – Something comes along which says “I’m the biggest douchebag 1%-er in the whole world!!!”
‘Gee. I would really like to drive around in a Porsche to show everyone just how much money I have. But they are impractical with their two seats and all. And I have kids. So I need the impracticality (I totally made up that word – JMo) of a Porsche smooshed together with the gas guzzling roominess of an SUV. What is out there for me Mr. Alistair Mitt McRomneytrumpington??’
Well I’ve seen it. It’s the Porsche Cayenne Turbo. I looked it up when I got home. And the website tells me that it costs $108,000.
And then I started feeling less smug and more like the 99%-er that I am.
WHATEVER! I love my slightly old Ford Escape XLT with a sun/moon roof that costs a fraction of that vehicle. And I love the fact that I can afford brand name cereals. And…and…oh fuck it.
I’m jealous. Oh well.
Target doesn’t make me feel dirty,