JMo Reviews: Black Cocoa Creme Iced Coffee

Unrelated to the topic at hand, but you know what I love about Canada geese (and yes, it’s Canada and not Canadian, thank you very much), they just don’t give a shit. They’re like the Hell’s Angels of birds. They just go wherever they want.  Sit, stand…no difference. Congregate, shit everywhere and just look at you….threatening to charge at you at any moment. I picture them saying in their heads “Oh yeah, you don’t like us on this football field? Tough shit. What are you going to do about it? Nothing, sucka!”

“That’s what I thought!”

So every time I go to Dunkin Donuts recently I’m bombarded with images of Men in Black. New donuts! A new iced coffee! I usually just take my iced tea and skulk out of there,  sneaking glances at this new beverage  advertisement (please amuse me by pronouncing that in the Queen’s English. Thank you).  And one day I thought, “Gee whiz!! Tomorrow I’m going to buy me one of those.”

Yes, tomorrow. Because at that time,  I wasn’t ready.  I needed to do my homework. What is that Black Cocoa Creme Iced Coffee besides racially insensitive, obvs?

Let PR Newswire tell me what it’s all about:

Wait. Does that say “yeast donut?” That sounds very unappealing. At least to the ladies.

“With the taste of cookies and cream?” Really?  What exactly does that taste like? What kind of cookies? Oreos? Chocolate Chip? Those yummy chocolate cookies with the sugar all over them made by Archway?

Unknown. But I asked the girl who was handing me my iced tea (when I wasn’t ready for an out of this world coffee) “Hey, how is that Men in Black coffee?”

Her: “I’ve never tried it. But a lot of customers love it. It’s already pre-sweetened so you don’t need to add any sugar or anything. All it is is a pump of our mocha and a pump of the caramel.”

Me: “Huh.”

I was intrigued. And looked forward to the  next day when I would finally get my Black Cocoa on.

Here’s what I expected:

Forget “cream.” That’s for the shmucks at Tim Horton’s.

(Time out. Sorry. I’ll get back to your regularly scheduled blog post, but you know when you say words over and over again, even in your head, and then they start to sound weird?And even look weird? That is what’s happening with the word “cream” right now.  Not to  mention the R rated connotation. Cream. Tastes like cookies n’ cream.  I’ll have to remember to tell the gents that. Ha!)

Here’s what I got:

*sad trombone*

Couldn’t they have shaken it up a little more? All the chocolate was sitting at the bottom.  That’s one good thing about Starbuck’s – those fuckers know how to shake up their beverages.

My review: Two Galatical Thumbs Up! I enjoyed it. Will probably get it again. And now I know the secret combo of squirts (yeast, cream and squirts. Jesus.) so whence this beverage is no longer for purchase at Dunkin’ Donuts, I can still get it.

You’re welcome,


10 thoughts on “JMo Reviews: Black Cocoa Creme Iced Coffee

  1. All this Men in Black talk got me some Will Smith stuck in my head: “Good guys dress in black, remember that…”

    “And what you think you saw you did not see.”


  2. I’m the only person commenting on my own blog! Like 500 people have read this in the past few days yet no one says a peep about it. I’ll never get it.


  3. I was searching the web for a review of this weird new coffee… I’m really into chocolate squirts and yeast, so after reading your blog I decided I couldn’t resist. Low and behold, my D&D was fresh out. I think your counterperson is a liar! How could they run out of the basics they use in other drinks? There must be a secret ingredient.. maybe they need to get some Mexican food to recharge their “machines” to make some more!


  4. Cory! You caught on to me facade…I was totally lying! Why would I give away the secret ingredient?? All kidding aside, that is what she told me without my begging for the recipe so I’m just going on blind faith there. I think YOUR DD was lying when they said they were all out. How about that!!??


  5. I really want to try one of these, but I hate mocha. Does this actually taste like cookies and cream, or is it more of a mocha?


  6. I dont think it tastes much like either one. I would say you should just buy a small and see if you like it. If not, then you’ll know not to order it every again!


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