JMo Live Blogs the Super Bowl

Just so you know, there was a point during this season when I realized who the 49ers coach was and I said “Isn’t he a quarterback?”

Yes, because most of my mind lives in the 90’s.  What’s left actually thinks that the 90’s was ten years ago. So…yeah. Jim Harbaugh still plays for the Bears.

So I was just going to do the Commercials here, but I decided that I have comments for everything, so might as well just blog it until I get bored or pass out.

Every player on the Ravens who isn’t Ray Lewis must think to himself, “Jesus. Just retire for God’s sake. We can’t wait to get rid of you. There are other players on this team besides you Ray.”

Why did the Ravens come out to U2’s “Where the Streets Have No Names.” (uh-huuuuuh) Does Baltimore have a lot of unnamed streets? *Confused*

AND because the 49’ers clearly live inside my brain, they come out to the greatest rap song of all time (yes I said that) “California Love” by Pac and Dre. You know, I already was choosing the 49’ers as my fave to win. Cuz that guy from the 9o’s is head coach AND their quarterback has a lot of tattoos AND they came out to the greatest rap song of all time. Wheee.

I will not live blog about the commercials until after kick off. All these pre-gamers are from a cheap company (Yeah you Disney and your Lone Ranger previews) who wouldn’t pay the big bucks. I want to see what $4 mil for 30 seconds gets ya! And what dummies actually okayed that crappy commercial, cuz oh yeah….there will be shitty commercials.

(Gotta be honest…already saw a Wheat Thins commercial and I really liked it. I will set my bar at Pre-Game Wheat Thins Commercial.)

One of the Sandy Hook kids looks like Seth MacFarlane. Needless to say I want to kidnap him.

Hmm, the ASL guy looks like Guy Smiley. Or like he’s trying out for Grease right after this.

I wish Jennifer’s skirt was shorter. Honestly. She is too young for below the knee.

Time to honor America!

Alicia, you better be singing live or people will not be okay with it. Dayum.

Dear Kaepernick – get rid of that facial hair. You still look 14 no  matter what.

Oh lordy, I feel bad for that only girl soldier.

zzzzzzz

Ray Lewis ain’t lying when he says the land of the free.

That necklace = no.

Jerome! That’s two blogs featuring the name “Jerome” this week! Awesome!

I am not on board with NFL commentators wearing an American flag pin. I dunno. I wouldn’t really care if they didn’t wear them.

Kick-off. Whew. I hope that Flaming Lips commercial comes back on because I have a lot to say about it.

Oh I’m not going to be commenting on the football plays. So I’m sorta of sipping my beverage and stretching during the game. Waiting for some $4mil ads!

Niners, I’m hoping, are nervous. I don’t blame them.

Ravens playing much better than other team. (How was that?)

“Flacco” just reminds me of flaccid Necco’s. It’s a gross sex fetish.

Ew. Touchdown Ravens. But like I once said, they are playing better than other team.

Okay here we go:

Black Crown? Our kind of beer? Hipsters? Thumbs down!

Red M&M = LOVE!!!! “Except that. And that.”

BIG PIMPIN’ geek in the Audi. Parking in the principal’s spot. Kisses Prom Queen. Drives home with black eye. Also, Love! Little sister deserved a kick in the teeth, but dad came through with the cool car. Go get ’em, kid. I know you’re a geek but it’s okay. You get to drive my ”middle-aged man showing off’ car.

Pick Your Team had “Do not attempt under every frame, practically. Which is hilarious. Oh that kid isn’t really wrestling a bear? Are you sure? Thumbs down.

Go Daddy.  I just can’t…

Oh snap. He made that goat mad!! Not as good at Wheat Thins from Pre-Game.

This kid’s like, “Damn, I gotta get these first downs myself?”

Ok, weirdo 99.

Pepsi Next = no.

Dongle. Where is the cloud? like

Oh are we Black Crowning it again? Our kind of beer? Who?? I miss the horses!

Admission: I do not enjoy Big Bang Theory and therefore do not watch.  There is something wrong with him right?

I’m into this Oz movie.

Coke is Big Brother?

Ok, did laugh when a whisper came out of the megaphone. But overall, annoying Oreo commercial.

Gotta say about Beyonce: That bitch is gonna bring it and school all of y’all. She’s gonna turn it out! You watch.

Oh that chick from BBT. Squirrels. Chocolate IV. Princess. Astronaut. Whaaaaaaaaat?

Ok seriously! 90’s! I wish I was a little taller, I wish I was a baller! I wish I had a girl who looked good I would call her.” Skee-Lo.

1995! I will love all commercials with 90’s songs!

I don’t watch that show either.

Ball is clearly out! – greatest quote so far.

Doritos #2 – I love RuPaul and all, but no.

Calvin Klein – yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes That’s what Black Crown should be.

Cars.com – all drive, no entertainment.

Beyonce and her shiny thighs are coming soon!

Dickson and Gainer. haha.

Bud Light = poor Stevie.

Ok, THAT Go Daddy commerical I like. Thumbs up!

Dear CBS: I didn’t (build that). I’m sorry. I had nothing at all with you guys becoming #1. xojmo

Yes! We shall begin with Star Trek. I’m on board!

Also, on top of anything with The Rock. Or bottom. But, not a fan of the ad. But cool that they used a manly man this time.

Bravo, Hyundai! I hate being behind stuff on the road too!

I don’t care what Joe Montana wears for comfort. Tom wears MUGGS! So we wear MUGGS and UGGS.

I just caught up to live time. I was so far behind you guys!! Thank God I could fast forward through this game!

Oh, so that’s the commercial that people were saying is racist.  Ah…um. My first thought was “damn, that’s racist.” And then my second thought was, “Why? What if a white guy did have that accent?” Even if he is from MN! I think my first thought was hasty. I deem it NOT RACIST.

Hey, it’s the guy from Boston Public and House, M.D. Yes, the official name of the show was House, M.D.

Ok, JMo needs a break-o. BRB.

 

 

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