Pakistan to India: “Oh No You Didn’t!”

I put on MSNBC to see what Chris Hayes is up to. You know, Chris Hayes, the girl version of Rachel Maddow? So I turn on “All In with Chris Hayes” and immediately see the split screen with Chris on the left and Elizabeth Warren (with a HUGE grin on, I might add) on the other side of left, and immediately I thought:

Oh Jesus. I can only imagine the most ridiculously agreeable discussion about minimum wage or something.

Seriously that is exactly what I immediately thought of when I put on MSNBC tonight. Randomly. Because I do not watch it all of the time.

So are there conservatives who turn on Fox News and immediately think: Oh Jesus. Ann Coulter and Glen Beck. Going on about what you guys go on about…like taxes and guns and ObamaCare and gays…

Ok, so listen. What I’m saying is…please let’s step away from the flames. Shut off the 24 hour cable news cycle (now that the bomber stuff is mostly over). And find something new you knew nothing about. And if you knew nothing about it and then learned something about it, you could make a decision on how you feel about it without having some talking head talk you into it first.

(*Aside: It physically hurt me to type that last sentence. My 11th grade Honors English teacher would literally have gone to town with her red pen all over that horse shit grammarphobe too long of a sentence nonsense I just wrote. She was such a raging bitch. But then I found out she had a black boyfriend and I was like…oh damn that old lady has got herself a life. Alright then! End of Aside*)

So, admittedly a left leaning show produced by Bill Mahar, HBO’s the Vice is On Demand on Xfinity and I’ve gobbled up all six. But I can’t really honestly tell myself that this is a liberals only show. Cuz it’s not. It’s a show that’s showing us, you know, THE REST OF THE WORLD OUTSIDE OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA.

Gosh, to me it’s almost like our politicians have us so wound up on things like birth control and abortions and guns.  Seriously? I’ll let you have all your war machines if you let us just have goddamned birth control and abortions. People are already fucking and then fucking getting rid of it a few months later. Whatever. Let’s just call the whole thing off. Agreed?

America shares space on this planet with a lot of other countries and a LOT of other people. We are not our own self-contained universe.  There are other issues that have a more global reach rather than domestic.  And we never really hear about these things. Unless it’s a threat to us. Like, North Korea and their nukes that can reach Texas. Yeah we heard about it but wrapped up in a crispy layer of Dennis Rodman.

Why are we not asking, “ok no seriously….instead of making a mockery of this story and putting it in the Entertainment section of HuffPost…..Can something those idiots built actually reach the United States of America? And if so, what the fuck do you have planned? Please tell me, you’ve got somethin’?”

Ok, so I want cold hard facts.  Vice told me some. Did you know that India and Pakistan, both nuclear capable countries, like totally hate each other and will most likely end up at war soon, AND have fantastically choreographed dance-offs with their neighboring border guards.  Seriously. This happens.

And before I go on, can I just say….I see with my own eyes, the weapons that the Indians and the Pakistani have in their “war.” It points out how AWESOME our military is and all the cool shit we have that is like the future to these guys. It also points out how awesomely huge the military budget is.  Look, war isn’t hand to hand combat anymore. Who cares? Just send a bomb or a drone or whatever. It’s all XBox stuff now. Some wicked mature 16 year old could handle it after he finishes his homework. And texting his teacher, but it’s cool because she says he’s wicked mature for his age.

So my eyes are open to this imminent war between India and Pakistan. Seriously!! Locked on and ready.  I need me some facts.

And you know what, Google “India Pakistan” and pull of the “News.” Yeah, there’s news about it. And you know it’s the same journalists who have been covering this catastrophic event in the making. Risking their lives but not getting any recognition because their story isn’t as sexy as that guy from NBC who got kidnapped but lived.

Ok well here we go random journalist guy. I choose you:

The Wall Street Journal.  Holy shit. That’s some real news right there!! So already I know this is a legit news story.

So there is this really complicated story about a Pakistani prisoner that dies in India. Already you know this isn’t good.

So even if you don’t go over and read it, you lazy fuck….here is the last paragraph:

Mr. Singh’s death raised concerns that Pakistanis in Indian prisons would be vulnerable to retaliation. There are 535 Indian prisoners in Pakistan jails and 273 Pakistani prisoners in Indian jails, India’s Ministry of External Affairs says.

Things are bubbling.  Things are brewing. And it’s happening. Like…over there. Remember…over there???

So there. My new things, away from MSNBC and Nancy Grace, is the civil unrest between India and Pakistan. The coolest was I tweeted something about it last week, and some guy who doesn’t follow  me, found my tweet and favorited it.  I mean, it’s happening. It’s real. And I just got a little cyber space high-five.  I think.

All of you…Go. Go learn something new.  Ask Jeeves some ridiculous question and see what the answers are. Maybe THAT’S a news story that needs attention.  Space travel. Polygamy, Which day was Ice Cube talking about when he said it was a good day (YES, someone found this out!! Research!), a random bone disorder that only the people in the Netherlands have.

I’m honestly tired of Benghazi and taxes and the military and all the political bullshit. This is just how it goes. This is how it is. Why do we have to be so divided? So instead of focusing just on our bullshit minutiae, we focus instead that begs a question:

So if two countries right next to themselves both nuke each other? What does that mean for us? What does that mean for the planet? Does it mean World War 3? Meaning, does some other big country like China give a shit? Like cuz if we have to pick sides you need to tell me…India or Pakistan.

And don’t assume I should pick India!!

Did you see the Vice episode about the slums of India?

OMG, do NOT get me started,


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