Holy Shit, Rolling Stone is Still Around?

A couple of days ago I had read that Dzhohkar Tsarnaev was going to be on the cover of Rolling Stone.  I paused.  Then I went on with my life.  Then I saw the picture.  I paused again.  And again, I paid it no mind and I went on with my life.

The cover of Rolling Stone neither angered me nor surprised me.  It is cheap publicity.  That’s all it is.  This is not the first time I have seen cheap publicity.  And I’m quite sure it will not be the last.

Oh, don’t know who Dzhokar is? No, it’s not that hairdresser movie with Adam Sandler.  He’s one of the men who detonated bombs at the finish line of The Boston Marathon.  The other man, his brother…died in a shoot out with police.

So that leaves the younger brother. Alive. In custody, of course. Awaiting a federal trial.

I grew up in Boston. Yes, Boston.  The city. And no, I didn’t grow up in some hell hole like Revere and then tell people I grew up in Boston.  Born and raised, baby.  Even educated at a Boston Public School.

Ok, so I get the outrage that has exploded since the news hit. BUT what I don’t get….are the retail stores that are refusing to sell this particular issue of Rolling Stone.

Excuse me? What?

I will make up my mind as to what I want to spend my money on. And for all you know, I was dying to read that article about Willie Nelson, thank you very much.

What I wouldn't give for one night on a tour bus with Willie Nelson!

What I wouldn’t give for one night on a tour bus with Willie Nelson!

Rolling Stone has the right, believe it or not, to put him on the cover.  And we have right to look right past it at the check out counter.  But let’s be honest…when was the last time Rolling Stone magazine was even at the check out counter? Um, never. At least not at CVS, one of the retailers who have decided not carry this issue.  It’ll be lost in the magazine rack you never look at it while you pass by on your way to get your herpes medication from the pharmacy.

Tell me…who has graced the cover of Rolling Stone on the last five issues?  Off the top of your head…go on.

Yeah, I have no idea either.

But if Ice-T can grace the cover dressed as a police officer AFTER “singing” a song called “Cop Killer” AND Kanye West can adorn the thorny crown of Jesus Christ on another..?. Well guess what…

As far as I’m concerned….The Bomber stays.

How many police officers have been killed? A lot right?  So are their grieving families less important because they didn’t shit a proverbial brick when Rolling Stone came out with that Ice-T cover??

I’m going to say something that is bad…I know it’s bad…and I’m going to say it anyway.

Tsarnaev has been labeled a terrorist, and rightly so.  Many people were injured and three people died.


People have said that because he is a terrorist he should not be on the cover of a magazine. O rly?

More than three, right?

More than three, right?

So maybe, just maybe…if Rolling Stone put cross  hairs in front of Tsarnaev’s face? That would’ve been okay? Decry “Public Enemy #1 – Let’s Rolling Stone him!”  That okay?

I will tell you what is the real bother: Tsarnaev is good-looking.  There. I said it.

Plain and simple.  And his cover boy good-looks fucking irks everyone.

God forbid a journalist for the irrelevant magazine Rolling Stone (honestly, when Rolling Stone put *nSync on the Cover like 15 years ago…they became irrelevant) actually wanted to write a relevant piece.  He interviewed people. And wrote a news article.

Ever think to actually read it?



READ a story on that terrorist who killed three people???  Blaspheme!  You want me to learn something about him before he became a terrorist?!

I’m right back to how I felt the other day: indifferent.  It’s tasteless, and pretty thoughtless. But guess what?

There are 49 other states besides Massachusetts.  And maybe his boyish good looks will make someone pick up the magazine, and maybe after they read it, some bumpkin in Idaho will get a better sense as to why and how Tsarnaev became a radical Muslim.

Plus, if I gotta get political…you should boycott Macy’s…they sold the damn pressure cooker to them! They built a bomb out of it.

Dear CVS: Stick to selling condoms and candy.  We’re all adults here and we can make our own decisions, k? If you take a stand on this, then you gotta keep making stands, and eventually…you won’t be selling anything.

All, please go get angry over other things…like men who keep women chained up in his basement for years, or factory workers killing themselves because their working conditions are unbearable (oh and those factory workers are building that nice iPhone you got there). Oh or maybe how the government is spying on all of us! Except really not doing a good job since men are bombing the marathon and keeping women chained in their basement to rape for their amusement.


No one is building a monument in his honor. It’s just a picture. Can’t we all just agree to secretly go draw dicks and jizz near his mouth when we see it in stores? That’s what I was planning on doing and now I’m not going to be able to find this magazine anywhere!!!

Got my Sharpie ready,


2 thoughts on “Holy Shit, Rolling Stone is Still Around?

  1. You don’t mean on the cover of Rolling Stone? because that picture was obviously taken before all of this went down.

    As for his current wounds…not sure. He was able to talk in court, however I was told he was continuous touching his mouth/face and he was drooling?


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