Ode to Goat Boy

I am super liberal about a lot of things. Even climate change.


I do not give a flying fig about garbage.

That floating plastic continent in the Pacific Ocean? Don’t care. Can the polar bears live there?

Listen, I have 50 years left on this planet. 20 if I’m lucky. I have no offspring. Peace out, mothafuckers. Enjoy the planet we humans literally destroyed.

The animals. The trees. The bees. The white rhino. Other people. The list grows.

Anyway, get off my jock about recycling and plastic!

In fact, take several seats when it comes to PLASTIC STRAWS.

These people on my Facebook page yapping about banning straws…bitch, don’t you dare come for my straw.

You’re gonna have to pry it from my cold, puckered lips!

Disney’s Animal Kingdom never had straws. Environment, animals, planet stuff. I got it. Didn’t enjoy it. Never bought anything other than bottled water (PLASTIC WOOHOO 🎈) at that park.

And I was addicted to fountain Coca-Cola with crushed ice… That feeling you get when you sucked on that plastic siphon, as the caramel bubbles hit your tongue… Nothing like it!!

So, tonight I declare I am bringing back the 1950’s sock hop double date with two milkshakes and four straws!!!

Just for me.

Love you, MN. I hope you save the planet but I am not helping!


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