to whom it does concern

you know who you are. you left me. high and dry. why did you do that to me? you left me without an explanation and without a proper goodbye. maybe we weren’t good for each other, and you weren’t responsible for my happiness, but what you did made me fucking sadder. why did you want to make me sadder? I did my best to make you feel comfortable around me. to feel like you mattered. sometimes you even made me feel like i mattered. even if it was just a little bit. you made me feel smart, also sometimes. but after what you did, I now feel even more like I don’t matter. that my mind wasn’t enough, that my body wasn’t enough, my home wasn’t enough, my favors weren’t enough. you left me. like everybody does. I thought you would’ve stayed around for my birthday. remember how I was only one of two people who contacted you on your birthday? that doesn’t matter. nothing matters. especially not my feelings. and you may not truly believe it, but I do care about your feelings. and your well being. and most of all, how you made me feel when we were TOGETHER. why can’t you remember that? remember the times we spent together. why did you make me sadder? why did you leave me without an explanation? what was the point of all of this? if I knew Sunday was the end, I would’ve at least hugged you one more time. the perfect hug where my head fits right below your chin. and I can hear your heart beat. I’ll never understand why you did this. I don’t think I deserved it. but then again, I’m just a piece of trash, right? disposable and gross. thank you for solidifying that for me. you took a piece of me with you. the secrets I told you. the things you now know about me. you carry those with you now. and I carry yours with me.