Sometimes on the dating apps, romance doesn’t bloom (blossom? Which one sounds better?). But a friendship might. And that’s what happened with one of my Tinder matches: Let’s call him Andy. I wrote my name on the bottom of Andy’s shoe, and now we are friends. He’s got a friend in me. Etc. Etc. We are strictly friends. We just have fun together and it doesn’t matter that there is an age difference.
Andy is well into his 20’s but I am 18 years older than him. In my defense, I look ten years younger than I really am. But only sometimes, apparently, because the funniest thing happened to me a few days ago, but also the most horrifying:
Andy and I rolled up to a convenient store one night. Let’s just say that Andy isn’t the most conscientious guy when it comes to shit going on around him. Clueless! He jumped out of my car, and was practically at the door of the store before I even closed my car door. I was able to witness his BLOWING past an older lady (Older than me, thank you!), limping, of course. Leaving us both in his dust. Not surprisingly he didn’t bother to hold the door for either one of us.
Out on the store’s front stoop, I apologized for “his behavior” and gladly said “Please, you first” while hobbling up the walkway. I was able to hold the door for her to go in before me, when she turns back to declare:
“I’m so lucky. My son is very polite.”
For a nanosecond I tried to figure out: ‘Wait, does she think Andy is my son…’ but almost immediately, I agreed with her. Because, why not? This is hilarious!
“You ARE very lucky. I wish mine was.”
And once I got into the store, I made sure I went up to Andy and very loudly asked, “Did you hear that? Her son is polite! You embarrass me.”
And without missing a beat, Andy says, “Sorry, mom.”
Then we laughed. It was cool. No big deal. OMG, I look old enough to be my friend’s mom. Shoot me! When did I get so old??
After that I wondered, should I have just announced “Oh, that’s not my son – We’re fucking!” But I couldn’t even say that since it’s not true. Granted, neither is our mother/son relationship. Oh well. Maybe next time.
Andy’s “mom” has got it going on,