Oh, No She Did…Didn’t? Should I Not Have Said That? And Should I Care?

Dude, longest title ever!

Anyway, it’s 2015.  I am planning on writing more. I haven’t been inspired recently.  But maybe I hadn’t been looking. So, let’s get into it straight away!  (Now I think I want to speak more Britishy from now on.)

Recently, a story, or rather, a picture showed up online of Malia Obama.  She appears to be a cool, normal looking teenager.

Of course it got a lot of press.  At least she wasn’t standing on her dog! Sidetrack, sorry. Anyway, caught a story on Facebook about exactly what I thought…cool, normal looking teenager.

So I immediately shared it and wanted to write: “Of course, she’s part white.” Or, “That’s the white girl in her!” To be funny.  As a joke.  Like how someone finding out that a half black/half white man had an above average sized penis, he would say “Yeah, that’s cuz he’s half black.”  C’mon! You know they would.

But I didn’t write that. Because I froze.  I actually texted a friend for her opinion but haven’t heard back. So that’s why I’m here. I had to share. (I’m also mortified that I care so much.)

Why didn’t I write that? I was afraid that I would hurt someone’s feelings or worse…be thought of as racist! I don’t really care because I’m not. But then again I just saw an article about how we are 3 times more racist than we think we are.

Oh crap. Really?  I honestly cannot claim to be 0% racist.  No one ever could. But let’s say I’m 1% racist. I think I’m 1% racist, ergo, I’m really 3% racist.

I think I can live with that. Live together in perfect harmony stuff… yeah.

But I get censored around Facebook.  A woman once unfriended me because when the photos of the Boston Marathon bombers came out, people were shouting about Muslim, but to me, I said, they looked Eastern European, like Ukrainian or Grecian.

Well she is Greek. And she let me know how disgusted she was and I was sort of flabbergasted. Because I wasn’t derogatory. I was just guessing.  Believe me, I’ve been around enough dark-haired men of different origins to gently squint my eyes at a blurry photo and go… Yup, that’s the Armenian Tom Cruise, remember him? Or whatever.

You guys gotta tell me:  If I said – Malia is cool cuz she’s a white girl. Duh.   Is that racist? If yes, why? Please see my example above about dicks.

I prefer Rudolph’s Shiny New Year over the original Christmas episode. Discuss.

xojmo

I’m Proud to Say: I Didn’t Build That!!

Wooo!! You’re right Mr. President…I didn’t build roads, or bridges or pergolas. And you’re also right, Mr. Right Wing Crazy Person…I didn’t build a business! Shame on me! Let’s face it…Does the One-Cup business I visited once really make a difference to this world? No. They sell fucking Keurig coffee cups. C’mon! I’ve shopped at Goodwill more times than that store. Yet…they are the job creators? Um, no. They are the coffee brewers. And not even like real percolated coffee. But I digress.

First off, I want to say…NOW I know how Republicans zealots feel when their taxes go to shit like abortions. It drives them crazy! I’ve been driven crazy today to find out that a male inmate, in jail for killing his wife, is allowed to get a sex change AND that my state taxes will go towards that! Argh!! *shakes fist* Damn you liberal America!

Secondly, the RNC wants #AreYouBetterOff to trend on Twitter. Their big thing: Are you better off now than you were four years ago? I guess they want us Americans to say “No. Life sucks now that we have a Muslim black guy who was responsible for 9/11 in office! Booo! I now live in a cardboard box.”  Well guess what? Not only am I not worse off than I was four years ago…

I’m fucking WAY better off than I was four years ago! Yahooooo!

1. I have a way better, safer and cooler car than I did four years ago. (Also American made!)

2. I live in a pretty upscale and fancy apartment (which I did not four years ago) with a walk in closet, a dishwasher (I grew up poor. Our dishwasher was our hands) and a sunken tub. Did I mention that I have a full washer and dryer in my apartment too? Hellz yeah! I didn’t build that!

3. I make more money than I did four years ago.

4. I finally started contributing to my 401K over the past four years.

5. I still have the freedom to vote, to get an abortion, to marry a lady in the state of Massachusetts if I so wished to (I don’t. Sorry ladies!), AND waste money on frivolous stuff like Jiminy Cricket pins (for my collection!).

6. I haven’t been shot in a movie theater (keepin’ those fingers crossed!!).

7. No more war in Iraq and Osama bin Laden is dead! Word!

8. I’ve visited Disneyland twice in the past four years.

9. I can read anything I want, when I want, and freely rant about it on the internet.

10. I have health insurance. A computer. A laptop. Cable TV (like the real package). A TiVo. Tons of shoes. A Blackberry. (Wait, maybe I am worse off than I was four years ago. I don’t have an iPad, and iPhone or an eReader. My life sucks. Thanks a lot Barack Obama.)

So…yeah, I think I am better off than I was four years ago. The stock market is up like 70% since Obama took office. I don’t dabble in the stock market, but I would have to think that all those folks who do, should be thankful!

Yes, I live beyond my means. Am in debt. Still paying of a student loan. But fuck it…I’m in America. That shit is normal. I’m an average American. And guess what…if my tax dollars can go towards helping other people out NOT in the time of crisis….then so be it. Take it. Why do we as Americans only come together after a tragedy like 9/11 or Katrina? Or Haiti? Or whatever? After 9/11 there were lines out the door to donate blood. Do you think it’s still that way? Nope. Guess who is donating blood tomorrow?

ME!!

Guess who gives money to the ushers at the movie theater when they come around for donations for the Jimmy Fund or Will Rogers Institute?

ME!!

Listen, there is nothing wrong with helping our fellow Americans. So chillax everyone! I feel like the Dems are the party to do that. That’s all I’m saying.

SERIOUSLY think about it….are you worse off or better off than you were four years ago? Or, maybe just the same?

Four more years,

xojmo

Hodge Podge

Hi Ho Everybody!! I’m back.  And, my plant is dead.  Look, this should come as a shock to no one. Even Helen Keller would’ve seen this coming a mile away. I’m terrible at taking care of things.  So I did what any nurturing woman of a living thing would do: Stuff the dead thing into a bag, toss it in the trash (a la Casey Anthony) and buy something shiny and new to take care. Wheeee! So I bought gorgeous pink Gerber daisies and they fit into my pink ceramic planter thingy I bought at Marshall’s. Whew! Also, I know that I’m WAY behind on the posts I’ve promised, namely Comic-Con (I’ll spoil the ending – I didn’t get a date!) and Mall of America. And I am getting to those. Just sometimes writing is such a friggin’ bummer. I gotta put tags. I gotta email myself photos I took on my smartphone. Save them on my computer. Upload them. *SIGH* It’s just a bother sometimes. And my desk area is a mess, so it’s hard for me to stretch out without touching something that clearly should not be on my desk (Carnation Instant Breakfast packet anyone????)

I wrote that! I’m so funny. *Disclaimer: I am not a Republican*

So I’m sort of in a bitchy mood and want to just throw some stuff on the screen and call it a night. Hope you don’t mind.

1. I don’t like Big Bang Theory. In fact, I find it to be a one trick pony. I don’t think it’s funny. And it grates on me. And the laugh track…that’s even worse. Or is that a live audience? God help me. I’m a geek/dork/loser and even I hate that show.  I don’t get it. I won’t lie. Then again, I watch Walking Dead and True Blood so what do I know.

2. There was this story on Yahoo’s OMG page that Mila Kunis is “slightly larger” recently. Wait, isn’t “slightly larger” an oxymoron? Oh wait, the morons on OMG don’t know what an oxymoron is. “Isn’t that the drug everyone is like taking?”  Ok, so they show a picture of Mila (who is gorgeous by the way) and she looks…normal. Not the sickly thin girl she was in Black Swan. Even she said that losing 20 pounds for that role wreaked havoc on her body. So now the chick has curves and OMG is contacting her people to comment about her extra pounds. Can you fucking believe this? She’s probably a size 4 or 6 and they are asking her reps for a comment about her “slightly larger” figure. Jesus H Christ.  Made me so mad!! She looks normal. Leave her alone. I mean, ask her reps if she is boning Ashton…at least that’s interesting. Or if she hooked up with Seth MacFarlane (BITCH! She better not have!!).

3. What. The. Fuck. Is. This. ?.

Too many comments. So little space.

Do kids today NEED a talking medicine dispenser?? Also… SharkTank? Really? I watched that show once and while more entertained than watching an episode of Big Bang Theory, was still bored nonetheless. And “1,2,3. Open Wide. Good job!” Seriously??? “Open wide for my (let’s face it) short trunk and let me squirt this nasty tasting stuff down your throat…. Good job! You took it like a champ!” And why Ava? Is that the appropriate name for a medicine-dispensing sexually-harrassing elephant head? NEVERMIND the freakin’ kids that need a “fun” medicine dispenser in the first place. Look, just swallow your cough medicine and shut up. Nobody cares. Waaaaah. At least we have medicine and you aren’t back in the stone ages chewing on some pelt or bone your dad brought home, all covered in dirt and blood. Speaking of dirt and blood, what did women do back then during their menstruation? Oh God. I don’t even want to know.

4. I got two more tattoos bringing the total up to six. (Let me slip that story in behind Comic-Con and MoA). They are on my feet. They are currently in the itchy scratchy stage. And all day I’ve been fighting the urge to scratch them. I did a whole slew of things after work tonight and couldn’t wait to get home to wash my feet and put my Burt’s Bees lotion on there. I made the mistake, at the very last second, to lightly run my nails over the tattoos…and I honestly thought I was going to orgasm (side note: I didn’t)! It felt great. And I started to think, is there anything that feels better than scratching something that is itchy? Nope. Which then brought me to:

5. Torture. What the fuck is this bullshit about using Sesame Street songs to torture inmates at Gitmo? Most Sesame Street songs make up the soundtrack of my whole entire childhood! (I actually had a great YouTube video of Big Bird singing the alphabet but WordPress fucked up everything – MORE TO BITCH ABOUT – and after “saving” my draft, half the shit I wrote is gone. W.T.F. NOT HAPPY. I haven’t even had dinner yet. Waaaaaah!) Just give the fuckers poison ivy and tie up their arms/feet and let them fester away. Now THAT is torture.

6. I got this Groupon email the other day. I don’t think of Groupon as witty or particularly funny, so that’s why I was perplexed by the subject line.

Meat. Toast meat.

Father’s Day deals for the man who gave birth to you??  Besides being a SLAP in the face to the woman who pushed you out of her vagina for 18 hours while your father essentially did NOTHING (“Remember to breathe, dear.”), this really could only apply to a very small section of the population:

Enjoy your filet, Momdad!

Ok, now that I’m pissed about half my post disappearing after I labored over it all night sans dinner, I’m going to say adios!

Goodbye May. Hello June!

xojmo

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