Is the Word “Slut” Even Relevant Anymore?

What’s your number?

You already know what I’m talking about.

I hate getting older for one reason (okay there are many reasons, such as, but not limited to, I now fully understand and appreciate why the product Poise is manufactured):  Feeling like an out of touch old fogie around the young people.

I’m cool. I’m hip. I’m with it. Down with it. It’s it. What is it?

Where was I? Oh yes…sluts!

Today it’s totally normal for a 22-year-old girl’s “number” to be 20. Or higher!

That makes me wiry-haired chin drop to the floor!

She’s slept with 20 guys?? And she’s only 22! Holy shit.

That, to me, is a lot.

Ok, fine. You’re totally not a cumbucket slutbag if you’ve fucked 20 guys practically before you were of legal age to drink. P.S. Vodka doesn’t give you crabs. Keep your legs closed for a few days!

As a wise man once said back in the 19 hundreds and 90’s about what makes a woman a “low pro hoe”:

But I know she’s a loser

(How do you know?)

Me and the crew used to do her!

Oh snap!  That is a cold hard dis right there.

But now…it takes more than the crew.

It’s the crew, the cast, the understudies, the Kraft service, and the whole damn audience!

THEN that would make her a hoe?? Maybe?

And I’m not a prude. I’m sure my earlier posts have proven that. But wow.

Rainbow Party!

Rainbow Party!

Ok, and here’s another problem with this scenario…If true, if girls are more promiscuous and more slutty than ever, what good is being a cougar then??  I thought being a cougar was all sexy like “Oh, that older lady over there has a lot of sexual experience and will do all the things that the girls at school won’t do.”

Yeah, no! Apparently those girls are already doing everything, including you and all your friends AND your enemies.  In ever position and every hole!

So what do I bring to the table? I mean, I know I’m a good lay! I got high-fived by a broad-shouldered plump lipped Jewish rugby player* who KNOWS how sex is done.  Do I wish I could have a personal reference CV when it comes to my fucking abilities…Yeah, yes I do.  But I can’t.

Because honestly….. I would if the guys would take my request seriously! References, people! Or endorse me on LinkedIn. (Ok, omg, imagine?? I’d get a lot of anonymous views after that!)

So why would a guy pick a cougar nowadays?  Oh God, don’t say money. Now I’m really screwed.

Yo slick blow,

xojmo

*Damn, SFJ, when are you going to get divorced already?

Let’s Get Personal

Craigslist is a great place to sell your old records, or perhaps buy some new (used) ones. They even have job listings. But there’s a whole other section that many of you may not even know about:

The Personals.

 

There are a lot of choices there, huh?  I’ll be honest: A few years ago, to fight boredom, I placed an “ad” in the “Strictly Platonic” section. Naive, for sure.  I wanted to talk about a favorite Muppet, or what kind of cheese you prefer on your burger. Dumb stuff. Sort of like a chat room, but email instead. Again, just for fun, and just to pass the time. I’ve continued to do so over the years and boy, have my eyes been OPENED!

Apparently men don’t understand what “Strictly Platonic” means. Yes, I’ve gotten inappropriate pictures. I’ve been flirted with. And even downright propositioned. So recently I thought, if this is what happens in Strictly Platonic, then what the hell happens in those other categories?!

Oh, did I forget to mention that most (not all) of the guys that respond to my Strictly Platonic ads are married? I know this because they tell me. Not right away at first. But eventually it comes out. One even told me that he once gave himself a blow-job. (I dunno…)

Delete.

I just wanted to talk about the Olympics. Jeez.

So…my brain got to thinking…I’m going to post a ridiculous ad in the Casual Encounters section SPECIFICALLY asking for married man to hit me up.

I have gotten 135 responses to my ad so far.

Who are these men? I don’t know much about them. Fake names and secret email addresses. But many openly admit that they are married. Some throw their wives right under the bus, citing health reasons as to why their wives won’t have sex with them anymore. Or that they only like missionary and that they won’t go down on their husbands anymore. Most responses are lewd and extremely graphic, explaining in detail what they would like to do to me (and they don’t even know me or what I look like). Some send pictures, without my asking, of themselves and/or their private parts.

They use lingo that I wasn’t familiar with and had to ask (D/D means “disease and drug free”). This isn’t their first time at the rodeo. But it’s their first time at the rodeo with JMo.

What’s to come might be TOO graphic for some. (No penis pics I promise) It might even leave you incredulous. But again I ask you:

Who are these men?

They are married men in the Boston area (and one from Nebraska!) that saw my post and pounced on it.

And guess what, I even knew one of them.

Looking for Lust in All the Wrong Places…coming soon. I promise, it’ll make you think twice about what your husband is doing in his office during the day…and at night.

Stay tuned,

xojmo

 

 

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